I have to tell you, right from the start;
I really don’t want to write this article.
I don’t want to have to admit that I struggle so much with this. It reminds me of a quote from Abraham Lincoln that I heard many years ago.
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
I’d pretty much rather just let you assume I’m imperfect than to give you the living proof. But, it’s not really up to me now is it? When I told God I would write what He taught me, He took me seriously.
We all struggle with something, and we know that if we confess ours sins to one another, and pray for one another we will be healed (James 5:16).
I want to be healed. So here goes, like it or not.
Certainly there are several phrases that can haunt our minds and poison our souls.
How about
“I’m not enough,”
or
“I won’t forgive.”
Maybe something like
“I give up”
has run through your mind a time or two.
Yeah, those are all pretty toxic, but those aren’t the words that are threatening to steal my joy.
My three little words are:
“Must Be Nice.”
It’s a phrase that comes to my head all too often. When I see someone who has a blessing I wish I could have, my first thought is “Must be nice.” And when I let that thought live in my soul, it burrows its way into my heart like a tick burrows into your skin. Yes, I know that’s gross, and we’d rather think and talk about pretty things. But guess what? Jealousy and discontent are ugly and gross too. And much more destructive than a silly tick.
“Must be nice.”
If I know you personally (okay, even if I only know of you from reading your book or being in some sort of online community with you), I’ve probably said it about you. Oh, don’t get me wrong, its not at all that I don’t want you to have that blessing. I’m happy for you. I just wish I could have it too. But that doesn’t take the poison out. It’s still me being ungrateful, and I can’t be whole with an ungrateful heart. (<<–tweet that)
When I look at someone’s blessings and say (even if only to myself) “Must be nice,” what I’m really saying is that I’m not satisfied with my own blessings, I’d rather be jealous of hers.
One strategy I’ve heard of for fighting the ugly green monster (jealousy) is to think about other people less fortunate than you. And while that has some merit because it helps you put things in perspective, it’s just not enough for me. I’ve come to the point where I don’t want my thankfulness and my satisfaction with what I’ve been given to be contingent on someone else having less. (<–tweet that) If I were the least blessed person on earth, I want to be thankful for my blessing.
So what will I do?
Well, I’ve done the first step, I’ve confessed it to all who venture by my blog.
Next, I’ll pray for a pure and thankful heart. (Psalm 51:10)
And third, I’ll take every thought captive, and make it obedient to Christ. In this case that means I’ll keep my eyes focused on my own blessings, and the God who gives them.
A phrase in one of my favorite songs says “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of his glory and grace.” That’s the thing about focus. When you focus on something, everything else becomes dim in your sight. When I focus on what other people have, my own blessings lose their wonder, and become dim, maybe even forgotten. But when I choose to focus on the many blessings I’ve been given, those other things will lose their shine, and grow dim in my sight.
I will choose to sing another song that many of us have sang since birth. “Count your blessings – name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”
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Image courtesy of Exsodus/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net
I have honestly never thought about how poisonous those three words are when put together. I say them way too often too, and I have never even thought about what it was breeding in my heart and soul. Thanks for shining light on my path today.
Hillary,
I so love your sweet spirit! I can’t imagine you saying that but I’ll take your word for it. I’ll make a deal with ya, I’ll pray for you and you can pray for me!
Beth…when your life has been completely overshadowed by Satan’s lies and really the only blessing you have had has been life for so long, words like these 3 little words start out as reminders of some sort of hope. I know mine did…then it began to get really ugly really quickly…especially when my blessings became shackles of security that I fought so long to have, but became a prisoner to…
I’ve always envied people who could have joy in the blessings of others. That is something that I am working on. Thank you for being brave enough for us all to write this piece.
T
Teresa,
Such a good point about finding security in our blessings instead of in the One who gives them! I think it takes a focused effort and a constant laying down of our flesh. thankfully, we have a God who is delighted to help us do just that! (And good friends to remind us!)
Those are two of my favorite songs! You’re stepping on my toes a bit this morning, though. 😉 Actually, this is a good and much-needed reminder. God has been working in me in this area lately! Thanks for your honesty and encouragement in this, Beth.
Ooh, I hope I didn’t hurt your toes too much! Don’t beat yourself up, but do be mindful of what God is showing you. That’s the only reason I share these things. I just want to be willing to hear what He tells me and to move toward Him. I know you’re doing the same!
Great article, Beth!!! “Must be nice” is one of my pet peeves because it usually discounts the hard work involved in some of those things. I hear it all the time in relation to being a stay-at-home mom. It didn’t just fall into my lap, we work at it and sacrifice for it.
But, even though I hate when people say it to or about me…I still do it as well! lol. Because I’m cool like that 😉 I agree that it’s indicative of discontent and we have to fight that.
I also very much agree that our state of contentedness shouldn’t be based on others being less fortunate than ourselves. It’s so hard sometimes, but so necessary for our joy and spiritual health for us to get off the comparison conveyor belt and focus on our lives, blessings, strengths and weaknesses, independently from that of others.
Crystal,
Yep, just like Katie and I were saying, comparing ourselves to someone else just doesn’t help anything. And like you said, there is often more to the story. Sometimes the thing someone else has, came at a sacrifice I’m not willing to make. Sometimes it’s just a blessing that is theirs and not mine. I have to trust the God gives me what I need and if there is something He didn’t give me, then it’s not something I need.
Beth, such truth. I love that hymn as well (I’ve etched it on the inside cover of my Bible) and obviously this is an issue many of us face. And I totally agree about comparing ourselves to the less fortunate–it always seems hallow and somehow unkind. Does someone in the world look around and determine, “yes, I am in the one who is suffering the most”? Our eyes should stay fixed on the One who does not change and it will therefore allow our perspective to stay steady on the truth.
Hey Katie, It is a great song isn’t it?
Really comparison just doesn’t ever do us any good does it? Whether comparing our worth or our blessings, it’s just not a good thing.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Beth, thank you for sharing your heart! I know I have been there too.
Thanks Tracee!
Hey Beth, I am so proud of you for you obedience in speaking what you have learned and sharing, even when you would rather not. Peace to you as you walk this one out. Love you.
Thanks Cathy!
Hey, we’re just about to get in a new routine for the fall if you want to check in with me in a week or two to have lunch or something!
Thanks! I have been thinking a lot about this lately…
Have you considered the re-phrase, “headed toward holiness” – implies the journey and the opportunity.
No shame only righteous guilt if necessary for the continuation of the journey.
It is tricky when we draw lines in the sand that make us either good or bad. God never forgets we are his sheep. It does not surprise him when we fail… the disappointment comes when we forget that he is our shepherd…
Hey Celeste!
Oh I hope I didn’t imply that I’ve deemed myself “bad” or anyone else who struggles with jealousy or discontent. Not at all. I’m just admitting that it is a poison that will hurt me if I let it take root in my heart. It’s one of those things I have to watch, and constantly give to God. And I know that even when I’ve just said “Must be nice” that God not only forgives, and continues to draw me closer to Him, He also feel the pain that is behind those words. Sometimes I’m jealous of friends who’s children get to see their grandparents more than once every year or two. God knows it hurts, and I just need to give that hurt to him and let the jealousy go.
Thanks for the comment, I haven’t heard from you in a while, are you doing OK?
Thank you for your honest post. We all have things we struggle with and that poison our hearts and souls. The area I do this one with is my son. We have had many struggles in school and I see the kids that just coast on through, do great, no trouble, and I cannot imagine what that’s like. It looks so easy. But I have to remember they have other struggles that maybe we don’t have and I have many blessings, and I need to approach the life God has chosen for me with joy and love and gratitude.
One thing that came to mind as I read your comment was that even though you have such struggles, you might be forging a closer relationship with your son than if everything was easy. Sometimes easy can let us be lazy and what we get is not as meaningful as when we have to struggle. It’s so hard to watch something come easy to someone when it’s so hard for us. (That’s part of what I struggle with. It’s not always physical blessings.) But we have to still be thankful in everything. Thanks for the comment. I’ll pray for a good school year!
Thank you for your words. It’s true. We are very close and I have to be his advocate over and over, which puts him in the forefront of my mind a lot. What’s hard is to be judged by others yet not judge in return. Ugh. Haven’t quite mastered that yet 🙂 And thank you for your prayers.
Hi, let me know when you write about failure to forgive. I waste so much time angry lately. Thanks. 🙂
Thank you for your honesty. We all struggle. Praying with you.
Thanks for linking up with Woman to Woman’s Word Filled Wednesday. God bless
I just chastised myself for the very same thing this week! If I can’t be happy for someone else’s received blessing how do I expect God to bless me. At least I’m in good company and we can be praying for each other to have a renewed heart. Thanks for you insight and confess Beth.
Thank you for your honesty and transparency. Lately, I have started taking my jealousy straight to God. “Lord, I’m struggling with jealousy (insert situation) and I need you to take it away. Change my heart and help me keep my focus on You.” It’s been helping because when I pray, I’m focused on Him, and not on myself and what I wish I had.
(visiting from W2W Word Filled Wednesday.)
Blessings,
Laura
Laura,
I talk a lot about taking every though captive. This is a perfect example. Take it captive and turn it straight over to Him!
What a good reminder . . . I’ve caught myself thinking those same words before, and you’re right, it leads to nothing but trouble. Thank you!
You are definitely not alone with this struggle. It is so easy to compare ourselves to others and wish we were blessed in the same way. However we often forget that how things appear to us are not always the whole story. Someone can “appear” to have it all when really they are hurting deeply on the inside. I have a note in my Bible that says – “Don’t let comparison steal your joy”. I read it often and it has been a great reminder for me! Thanks for your honesty!
Its sad how quickly weeds grow in our minds. Thanks for your honesty. I have often thought those same words or even said to God “what about me?” I have a real fear of beong forgotten and I am constantly reminding God I am still here….waiting.
Thsnks for your courage to share and God is blessing others through your willingness to share.
Denise,
I know what you mean about waiting. I’ve come to the conclusion that some of the things I’m waiting for just may never be. And that’s OK. Because, while it’s easier said than felt, my home is truly not here. I believe that every last longing of my heart will either be met in Heaven or completely overshadowed by something so much better. The time spent waiting for that seems long, but it will seem like a blink of an eye when I get there.
Thanks for the reminder that God’s Word can take away the posioning of Satan’s lies, for years I had believed them, until my husband was brought into my life and how he encouraged me through the pain of not believing the words!
Oh Sarah, Not only CAN God’s word do that, it’s the only way to see the lies and dispel them. We have to measure every thought agains the Word of Truth. I’m glad God sent your husband into your life to help you learn to Kick Satan’s lies out of your head and heart!
hi beth, enjoyed reading your post.
i think this might have already been discussed a bit, but the “must be nice” thinking does tend to grow in the soil of comparison doesn’t it. i’m very familiar with it but over time, i have noticed that each person’s blessings come with down sides to them.
instead of wanting to be the wife of the man who brings in a lot of income, i can look at some of the things that go with the lifestyle…# of hours worked, lots of travel possibly, etc.
as one person mentioned earlier, her ability to stay home involves sacrifice and a lot of hard work which others may not notice when comparing. but that is how the comparison game tends to go isn’t it? and that is why it so easily leads to dissatisfaction.
sometimes, taking the extra time to compare on more than one level helps me realize i don’t really have much to be jealous of. but when i fail, GOD’s grace is rich…and He forgives…amazing:)
Hi Beth,
Thanks for your honest sharing. Comparison is a real joy stealer. Thanks for the reminder to “Turn your eyes to Jesus.”
Thanks, Beth, for the reminder. I am sure many of us need it daily. I know I do!
Very blessed by this article. So encourage to reach deeper for a root-level renewing of my mind on the topic of envy. Thank you so much for sharing your heart!