There we sat, sipping our sweet teas and waiting for our food to arrive. Going to a restaurant is usually a special time for our family. It’s one way we can slow down and connect with each other. It gives mom a break and it’s a time for us to all relax and enjoy each other’s company. Usually dad grabs a crayon and plays the little games printed on the kids’ menu with the little one. We chat, tell a few jokes, share a few cool ideas, and just have a nice time.
But something was different this time. I noticed it was sort of quiet. That’s when I also noticed that our eyes were not turned toward each other as usual, but turned down, each focusing on our chosen electronic devises.
Why do we do that?
Modern technology has given us the ability to be in contact with each other more regularly and in more ways than ever before. Social media allows us to communicate about everything from what we had for dinner to deeply held religious and political views. We can share photos and opinions with hundreds of our friends at once. Yet somehow, we’re becoming more and more detached. Relationships are getting shallower instead of deeper, life seems to be moving at light speed, and fewer and fewer of us feel deeply satisfied with our daily lives.
Why do we sit at a table in a restaurant and focus more on our smart phones than each other? Is it because we’re so busy keeping the hamster wheel of modern life spinning that we don’t really experience anything different enough to mention it in conversation? We run from one activity to the next, afraid to say “no”, too busy for what matters most. And then when we do have an opportunity to connect with those we love, we don’t remember how to have an interesting conversation.
Why are we cramming our schedules so full that we no longer have time to relax and enjoy the company of loved ones? Why are we letting the tail wag the dog?
I for one am not willing to let the hurried nature of our culture and the shallow communication that comes from social media steal what is most precious to me: deep, satisfying relationships with family and friends. (<–Tweet that)
Sometimes when my husband comes home and asks me how my day was, I respond, “Same as ever.” It can be tempting to think that if I add some kind of activity to my schedule I’ll have something interesting to talk about. But that would just make matters worse. It’s not that I don’t have anything to do (believe me, I have plenty) or that nothing interesting is happening. It’s more accurate to say that I’m missing the heart of most of it. I’m brushing through the practicalities of my day without letting the beauty touch my heart.
What I really need to do is just slow down and make sure that I’m “all in” with the things that I choose to do on any given day. Then there will be plenty to talk about. Being “all in” includes looking at him when he asks me how my day was.
Just slowing down and taking the time to really connect reveals that life is interesting, that there is a lot to talk about, and that relationships are our most precious gift.
(Tweet this–>)When you’re too busy, you go through life just brushing the surface on each of your experiences. Your body is there, but your mind is so engaged with everything else that it doesn’t make it to the party! And life becomes rushed… and boring.
I’m making a commitment not to let that happen. Won’t you join me?
One of my favorite things to do is to watch through the window as my husband and kids play together outside. This usually happens while I’m washing the dinner dishes or working at the dining room table. I love these moments. It’s amazing how much more I see when I can’t hear. (And there are times when I get up and go outside to participate in some way, even if I just sit on the swing, knowing my little boy will eventually wind up next to me with a sweet story to tell.)
This week, do something that allows you to experience life in a new way; something that lets you connect with the beauty that is all around you:
- Watch through the window as your kids play.
- Go for a walk when it’s super cold outside, or in the rain.
- Play a board game with your smart phone turned off.
- Record your children playing, laughing, singing, etc. and listen later.
- Read a life-changing book instead of scrolling through your newsfeed.
- Help your daughter make her bed, and enjoy a nice conversation with her at the same time.
Life is happening. And while being connected on social media and participating in various activities are not necessarily bad things, we need to keep our perspective on what’s really gratifying. We easily glide through screens of social media,and fill our schedule with events. But it’s a lot more fun to cruise the evening streets with your spouse, sharing an ice cream; or swing with a child on your lap; or to sit in the sunrise with a devotional book and a soundtrack of songbirds and leaves bathed in a morning breeze.
So wake up, oh sleepwalker. Put that device in sleep mode, say “no” to a few activities, and let’s choose to live a little more this week than we did last week.
***
And speaking of reading life-changing books; Have you signed up for my mailing list? I’m about to change the free book that I give away. If you sign up now, you’ll get both the current one (Empowered Living; How God Equips and Empowers you to be what He calls you to be) and the new one, which is a pack of printable household management pages. Just enter your info in the box at the top of the page where it says Sign up!
Image courtesy of imagerymajestic / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Linking up with:
the modest mom happy wives club what joy is mine jolene engle cornerstone confessions teaching what is good the character corner walking redeemed proverbs 14 verse 1 deep roots at home to love honor and vacuum things i cant say raising arrows raising homemakers juana mikels serving joyfully w 2 w ministries imparting grace graced simplicity abiding woman
Hi Beth! I am coming over from Teaching What is Good.
Your frustration with the devices is the same as mine. I remember when we went out for dinner to meet my son’s fiance’s family. Her brother sat there, texting under the table.
I guess I should have been happy that he was doing it under the table, but he was 22 years old! Really?
I like the ideas of just taking walks and being unplugged. It will help us all make real relationships!
Nice to meet you today!
Ceil
I find it amazing that people can find so much to text about but nothing to talk about!
Unplugging sounds nice! I’m going to be without internet for about a week toward the end of the month so I’ll get a nice break from it all!
It’s nice to meet you, I’m glad you stopped by!
“It’s more accurate to say that I’m missing the heart of most of it. I’m brushing through the practicalities of my day without letting the beauty touch my heart.
What I really need to do is just slow down and make sure that I’m “all in” with the things that I choose to do on any given day. ”
Loved this. I think one of the keys to doing this is in one of the words of yours I pasted above: choose. Lately during my average days, I am recognizing that as I do any given task, I am making a ‘choice’ to spend my time that way. It helps me see the fruitfulness of the mundane when I recount my reasons for the choice, and the lack of fruit in some of my other time choices. It also helps me stay ‘present’ in whatever I’m doing.
Found you at joleneengle.com
Hi Beth…I’m over from iBloom and love this article!! It’s so true…sometimes we miss the simple pleasures. I was at a kiddie party a few years ago and and noticed quite an interesting site. One particular table was seating at least 10 women and they weren’t interacting, talking, watching their children enjoying the fun, they weren’t even eating…all heads were down texting and focusing on their phones. Great post (;
In Gratitude,
Michele
This was just wonderful. What a needed reminder! Thank you so much. I have to say “ouch” on some of this.
God bless. I came over from iBloom.
Great thoughts, Beth! We have no phone zones in our home. Meal time is one of those. But we have learned this, it wasn’t always this way. And we have been out to dinner with family and friends who do not have no phone zones during meal time and it is hard. I don’t want to have my face so buried into a screen that I lose what is right in front of me.
Thanks for linking up with Woman to Woman!
This is something I have been thinking about…living in the moment…living intentionally. I also have a new free ebook coming out in sept which talks about this!
Thanks for sharing.
Oh I love this!! about a year ago i totally turned off all notifications on my iphone. Life is MUCH better not hearing that dang bell ring all the time. I have no desire to train my children like dogs to the sound of it, but that’s what I was doing.
I am taking Them to dinner tonight – I might just leave it at home.
Many blessings!
http://bit.ly/15Ncgce
It’s funny you mention notifications on your phone. Often I hear people talking about doing everything on their phone, and how often it interrupts them. I pretty much use my phone to make calls and get directions! Sometimes I feel like I’m behind the times, still using my laptop,keeping my online life pretty basic and mostly tied to business, and not using my phone for much. But then I think how glad I am that I’m not tied to my phone. (And then there’s the fact that I can’t even see my phone, apparently most people have better vision than me!)
Hi Beth,
This is my first visit to your blog, and I appreciate the message of your post. One of the practices I try to put into place is to turn off the sounds on my phone during meals with family and friends. Remember when others didn’t have access to us 24/7? They survived, and we thrived. I have made one exception lately, though, my youngest daughter is expecting our first grandchild any minute, and you’d better believe I’d answer a phone call from her any time of the day or night! 🙂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Lori, you absolutely must keep your phone on for that grand baby news! Congratulations, and I give you permission to use your “electronic device” to take and share some wonderful photos! 🙂
I agree with Lib’s comment about the notifications. I had to turn mine off shortly after getting a smartphone. They were driving me crazy! I love having it, but often have to remind myself to “unplug” in the evenings when it’s family time. Thank you for these reminders.
I turned off all notifications except texts. This is after ignoring an important text,(daughter not feeling well,needing to come home from an event! Oops!) I thought it was just facebook yelling at me again! So, no more notifications.
I didn’t bring my laptop on our recent family vacation and only used my phone to take pics- and it made such a huge difference. Made me realize just how much I haven’t been aware of.
Great reminder, Beth! In fact, this past weekend I ran a 5K and had dinner with friends. So many of my nights involve sitting on a computer working on my blog (day time is my PT job and then kid-time), so it was a good reminder that I need all those real life moments too. And more of them!