Does God actually like me? I mean does he enjoy my presence? Does He smile when He thinks of me or watches me go through my day? Does He love me with an affectionate love? Maybe it’s an obligatory love, one that forgives because of the nature of who He is but not a love that takes delight in me. Regular me.
These are the thoughts that plagued me throughout one of my deeper bouts of depression. Looking back, I can see that in the months leading up to my depression, the stage was being set for these questions to come into my heart.
I’ve always wanted to please God. The people I choose to associate with in person, through books, and on social media want to please God as well. Some of the ideas and thoughts that can circulate in a crowd of people who want to please God can be “works” driven, even though we all claim salvation by faith. “We need to do this.. we need to do that… a real christian does that… a good christian mother does this…” It can really leave a woman tired, and quite sure she doesn’t measure up, after all of her best efforts.
With all the pressure to be everything that each individual person was “preaching” that we should be, I came to see myself as an utter failure. Oh I knew I would be forgiven for my sins because that’s just the kind of God he is. But I desperately needed to know that He actually loved me. And in the confusion of depression I was powerless to go looking for the answers.
God has freed me from that depression and given me the answers to those questions. (And He wasn’t mad at me for asking!) I promised myself that when I found proof that God does indeed love me, I would never let it go. So, I’m keeping a list. Right in my purse. If depression ever floods over me again, I will have these truths saved not only in my heart (which isn’t always a safe place) but on paper as well. I will depend on these truths to dispel any darkness that tries to find its way into my heart.
I want the same for you. If you are a christian, you need to get a grip on the truth of who you are in Christ. No matter what else is happening in your life, God loves you, and His power is living in you; you have been made victorious.
I have a gift for you today. It’s a list of Bible verses and affirmations that will help you to rediscover that the Lord does indeed love you. Read them often. Meditate on the truth of what you mean to the One who made you.I pray that you will know the truth of who you are in Christ, and I’m standing on the promise that the Truth will set you free.