Making homemade bread.
Creating a homemaking routine that works.
These are some things that I was determined to get “right” but it took many tries. With each try I learned a little bit more about what I was doing wrong and what I was doing right. I got a little closer, and was even more determined to do better next time. I still can’t say I’m perfect at any of it. Sometimes my homemade bread is the best bread ever. Sometimes it’s hardly edible. But for the most part, I can now say “I make home-made, whole wheat bread.”
I just realized today that I’m having one of those experiences concerning a much more important issue. Something I really want to get “right.” Something that I’ve failed at many times, but I’m still determined to do better.
If you’ve studied the topic of healthy marriage very long, you’ve no doubt heard that, more than anything else, men want to be respected. (Even more than you know what.) I have a tendency to talk things over with my husband, agree to what he says, and then change my mind. At the time I really do agree; I’m not just pretending. That would be lying, and though I’m far from perfect, I don’t lie. I just tend to rethink things, look at it in a different light, and probably more to the point, let the wrong thing influence my decision.
That almost happened today. I’m going to tell you about it only because I know that I appreciate practical examples of abstract concepts. This might not apply to you at all, but it’s a real life example of what respecting my husband can look like for me.
Recently I was asked to be on a team of volunteers to help with a particular event.
After some changes in the agenda and “scope creep” (that is, a huge increase in what I was being asked to do), Joe and I finally decided that it would be best for me not to be involved. I was to let them know today.
But it wasn’t quite that simple. After talking with some of the women involved, I did find out that some of the circumstances had improved. Some things had been sorted out and there weren’t as many things that needed to be done (with only a week to go).
What to do…
Joe and I had already decided I would decline. Yet, things are getting better. I could probably manage to do what they need done without disrupting the family or misplacing my priorities… too much.
In the past, this scenario would have played out by Joe coming in from work only to find out that I had changed my mind and gone against what we had mutually decided. I would explain all of the logical reasons and he, being a very accommodating man, would carry on as if I had not just treated him with disrespect.
But not this time.
This time I remembered. “Your husband wants to be respected.”
What is the best way to respect my husband in this situation? Let’s see: How will he feel when I tell him that I changed my mind? How will he react to me spending seven hours away from the family this weekend, doing something we decided that I wouldn’t do?
Well, when you put it that way, it seems kind of obvious. I needed to stick to the agreement – one based more in principle than preference – and tell the ladies I just couldn’t help this time.
So, after many times of failing, today I got it “right.” Respecting my husband is something I want to get good at. With each try I learn a little bit more about what I’m doing wrong, and what I’m doing right. I get a little closer, and am even more determined to do better next time. I still can’t say I’m perfect at it.
But I can say “I respect my husband.”
(Now, about that event we weren’t going to take the kids to. Would it be so bad if I changed my mind and asked him to take them?)
** What are some ways that you can show respect to your husband? Share in the comments!
Image courtesy of Dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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